6 Weeks

Back before I was in the baby-wanting realm, I heard and knew about those first 6 weeks- those crazy, exhausting, nearly debilitating first 6 weeks of having a baby.  Employers give women 6 weeks off of work, doctors give them 6 weeks to recover, and new parents get their behinds kicked by a tiny but surprisingly strong infant;)

Even in my strongest desires to have a baby, I still always dreaded those first 6 weeks.  Even after we got pregnant, I told people I was blocking out the month of August in my mind because I knew it was gonna be so hard and Twilight-Zoney.

Well, now August's almost over and I must say: while I've never been more tired in my life, I'm so sad to see August go!

Today my lil man is 6 weeks old- that magic numerical milestone is here.  And while of course I'm excited about his maturing and developing and the possibility that maybe... just maybe... someday I'll sleep more than 5 hours in a row again... I still just want to pause time and be able to further soak in each precious gaze, sweet baby smell, and cozy cuddle.  Because even though these 6 weeks have certainly kicked my behind, and there have been times where life was indeed pretty Twilight-Zoney (like the times where my husband and I would wake up wondering if the baby was somewhere in the bed with us instead of his crib... some frantic sheet flipping ensued;)), life has also been the most glorious, joyful, and beautiful it's ever been.  When bleary-eyed new parents declare confidently that "it's worth it", now I believe them.  Now I get it:)

These past 6 weeks have been so much fun- the latest highlight has been Silas' discovering his voice- so cute!  He makes these little, adorable sounds and then seems surprised by himself:)  He's also starting to smile and laugh when he's awake which is so heart-melting.  Though I think it's heart-melting when he smiles and laughs in his sleep too, though it may just be over dreams of nursing;)

There have been intensely hard moments too- times where I've literally banged my head against the wall at a loss of what to do to make him stop crying.  Times where I've found myself sobbing tears all over his little body while I nurse because I'm just so tired and I feel so guilty for crying at all.

Through these hard times, I've learned in my heart what I've already known in my head- that I am not enough; but God is enough.  One middle of the night feeding where I was feeling especially weak, especially exhausted, and especially guilty for wanting so badly to sleep, a Twitter popped up on my phone that said "Sometimes when we feel most overwhelmed we forget how big God is."  So needed that.

It reminds me of an article I read before I had Silas that talked specifically about how we will never be "Mom enough" but God is and always will be "God enough".  So, so glad this is true.

I'm so grateful for all God's given and done in Silas' life.  I've already seen His hands in so many ways, it blows my soul.  I'm forever blessed and transformed by these past 6 weeks and am beyond excited for the moments of the next 6 weeks:)